Free blogging; expensive therapy

Blogging my unpredictable feelings and thoughts is free, but therapy is expensive and hard to find. So I shall pretend you are my therapist and vent my deepest, heartfelt emotions as they come to me, uncensored, unedited. So pull up a chair and listen to your heart's content. I am being purposefully vague on some issues and events that lead to my current circumstances. This is the vulnerable me, open to your perusal. This is not the put-together-face that I project onto the world. However, the thought of someone reading all about my insecurities makes my skin crawl. Perhaps I should leave my insecurities in the draft folder and not hit publish in such haste. I should re-read and edit everything to give you my best censored thoughts, grammatically correct. No misconstruing allowed, no accusations, making sure you understand what I mean to convey. To make sure I don't hurt my loved ones. Will I ever be able to make it up to the man I hurt, will he ever forgive me? I don’t know, but my heart's cry is yes, I hope so, with every breath I take. I hope I figure out some way to right my many wrongs. Even if it takes me the next 50 years, I will do my absolute best to never give up on our love. I hope he reads this blog someday; there are things I could never say in person, face to face, with the man I love. He thinks I haven't changed at all. What can I do to assure him that I have? I almost died and this second chance has given me a new voice. On blog, I am no longer the timid, don't want to rock the boat, young woman, on blog, I am woman, hear me roar! Here is the only place I can let out my silent scream of anger, anger at myself, at him, at that one I abhor, at everyone who has ever called me stupid! I have a college degree, how can I be stupid? Even if it took me longer than most. That's all for now, time to get up from this hard, uncomfortable chair, take a shower, yes, it's been awhile, so you can imagine the smell, and face what's left of the rest of today. I think I may have an opportunity to spend some time with the one I adore. The temperatures have climbed down in their intensity; hope to see the sunset and my mind fill with a small measure of peace.