a new perspective

Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn't make me stronger." - Lou Holtz instead of asking, "What can I get? What can I take? What can I gain?" ask, "What can I give? What can I share? What can I contribute?" Charles, A new dawn has broken in my life. I had a wakeup call, an epiphany, you might say. As I blog, I ponder things, so today/tonight's blog is what can I do for you that will enrich your life? The blog is a work in progress like myself. So instead of me asking, "What can I get? What can I take? What can I gain?" I am asking, "What can I give? What can I share? What can I contribute?" "How can I help you?" How can I make your life better if only for a moment, day, week, month, year, lifetime? Not for my benefit, but for yours.. Here is tonight's inspirational quote: "Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn't make me stronger." - Lou Holtz I hope that you are starting to see the strong woman that I am becoming, not the weak, indecisive one you have seen in the past. Think of me not as an old dog who can't learn new tricks, rather as a new puppy, once again ready for life to begin, eager to learn new tricks and soak up life's experiences. Yes, I have some old habits to break; it takes time so be patient with me. This is my new chapter in the book of life, brand new, squeaky clean. Epiphany one: I had put you on a pedestal the day you gave me that ring and roses on my birthday.. I treasured every good moment and tried to put a positive spin on even the bad ones when you lost your temper and would lash out. I love you so much more than before...I hope you realize that almost dying has truly changed me. The only thoughts I had at the moment I couldn't breathe, and my life flashed before my eyes as they rushed me into the OR: I wish you were here, I hope Izzie is okay, I want my parents, and I really don't want to die yet. I'm seeing things from a new perspective. 20 years is a long time to not get along with my mother and perhaps if I'd spent that time enjoying her presence rather than resenting it, things would have been a little different. Izzie almost died and if that had happened, I would have been even more devestated than I am at the moment. Words cannot express the bond that formed between me and my daughter. And yes, although I signed the relinquishment papers, she is still my daughter; I am still a mommy. I cherish the moments that I held her in my arms, where she heard my voice, singing to her, reading nursery rhymes to her. I even got to feed her and change a diaper. Yet it is torture to see the pictures and not hold her, not see her, but it would be so much worse without those pictures of a healthy, growing, beautiful baby girl, who I know is dearly loved, cared for, and going to be spoiled rotten. She has wrapped her tiny fingers around my heart, a part of me, that would feel empty without. I wonder if you will ever understand, or if I'll ever even send this to you, but for now, know that I love you dearly. I strongly believe she is ours...and in my heart, that is so... I regret that you never got to hold her....I think you might have seen a miracle. My parents have forgiven me and they have much to be angry about too. I so wish you would, even further down the road. You once saw me as your soul mate, not that long ago... With all my heart, love your Ruth gnight